glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
