1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
