Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it glows. i had to have it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
