bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
