i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
