My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
