I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
