It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
