I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do herpes really smell.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
