idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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