All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
