you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
