I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
