I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
