Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
