just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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