If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My ass is underappreciated
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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