how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just had sex on a roof
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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