Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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