yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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