yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
