I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
