i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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