There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
