The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My balls are so social today.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
