just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
