I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
