I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
