fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
