it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
