I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
