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life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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