i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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