How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize