D3 body, D1 cock
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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