I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
