i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
