she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
