doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
