I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
