i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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