At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
