My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I understand Curling. That high.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
