cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
