reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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