i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
