The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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