Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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