just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
