It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
