I skipped work to stalk him.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
