i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im six kinds of drunk right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
