so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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