You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
