And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
