My underwear smells like fireworks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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