Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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