His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
there is glitter all over my balls
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
