I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
