Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize