So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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