Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
