I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
