I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
