U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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