Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
