You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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