to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
