I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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