a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize